What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

I could never make a relationship work though!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

What are some examples of a threat to democracy in India?

What did i know ?

Comes on , in middle age.

I said to her

It has been said that people with ADHD can often hyperfocus. Can that be an advantage?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Ryan Reynolds’ ‘Animal Friends’ Delayed to 2026 at Warner Bros. - The Hollywood Reporter

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

Don’t Try Flying With Erewhon Sunflower Seeds - The Cut

They are buried together, in the same grave..

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I was seconnd youngest,

Ryan Mountcastle To Miss 8-12 Weeks - MLB Trade Rumors

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But, we were locked up after school.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

What does it mean when someone is pretending to be me?

My family never makes their pension either.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Adopting the MIND Diet May Lower Dementia Risk at Any Age - Neuroscience News

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Powerful solar telescope unveils ultra-fine magnetic 'curtains' on the sun's surface - Space

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

He knew the spot.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Lutnick Says He Expects Tariff Analysis on Aircraft Parts Soon - Bloomberg

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

And i lived it daily.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

What does a passable feminine crossdresser look like?

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Can anyone or anything overthrow your belief in the Jewish God?

I was scared of men, in general

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Rick Pitino 'Feels Bad' For Tom Thibodeau After Knicks Firing - Sports Illustrated

Im still living with it.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

But it wasn’t much.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

All the time i was locked up.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

I was very sick at this time too.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

She loved him until the end.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Especially a lifetime of it.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I will be 64.

He resisted the act ,that day.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Put me off passion for life!!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I think the readers, may guess!

My life is so biszare .

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I couldn’t, believe it.

I write beautiful poetry .

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

Who then, do I blame.?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

She was in good health!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

She married twice! .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

As i do to all so called friends.?

(And it was in our own minds.)

We all went to grammer schools

I was 9 years of age.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

She found it foreign!.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Was to survive, this bastard.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

We were not on the streets..

One cannot live in the past .

This is soul school!.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I have no regrets .

Im dying but, im not bitter.

But ive been too sick for many years..

So, i spoilt her more .

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

She wouldn,t have been !

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

On the 31st of Jan this month .

So whats the point in blame.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

It was going to be , some day.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I know ,a lot about trauma.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Ive learnt so much.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I waited trembling.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

I never cut or harmed myself..

Why did i forgive my father ?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

He was dying to do it , i knew.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Would this be the day?

I don,t even have a pension.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

When she asked me how she looked .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)